Christine-
Erik's music lifts me up, sets my heart soaring to the heavens and further. His voice is that of an angel, yet I can sense a tortured soul underneath. When he sings, his rough exterior disappears, and I can catch a glimpse of the man behind the mask. I can sense the terrible pain he has suffered through, but I know that I can never repair his broken heart.
He keeps me here in his palace underneath the opera house, not as a prisoner, but as a friend and perhaps...more? Everyday he gives me my music lesson, then dismisses me so he can continue to work on his opera, "Don Juan Triumphant." As of yet, I have not been permitted to look upon the manuscript, but he has allowed me to listen to bits and pieces of it. It is the most beautiful opera I have ever heard, and no matter how much I compliment him, he says it needs work and he will be lucky if he "finishes it before my time on this wretched Earth is through."
He is ever the perfectionist, changing chords and melodies when even to my ear they sound magnificant. Everyday, I pray he will ask me to stay with him to listen (and possibly sing) part of "Don Juan Triumphant." To this day, he has not even considered the idea, at least as far as I know. Perhaps someday he will...
"My dear, come here," Erik beckoned me.
I rose from my seat and moved towards him slowly. He was as usual seated at the organ working on his opera, but for once it seemed he was going to let me see the manuscript. "Yes?" I asked innocently as I came up behind him placing a hand on his shoulder.
He turned around quickly-God he has the reflexes of a cat!- "Christine!"
I jumped back, shocked by the sound of his voice. Only a moment ago, it had sounded soft and inviting, now once again it was cold and harsh. I love his music, but the man himself is so hard to love. If only he would let me get close to him, then perhaps I could love him...
"Christine, let me apologize," Erik began turning towards me his eyes growing soft again. "You startled me, please come closer child," he beckoned.
I moved closer to him again being careful not to come to fast, I did not want to risk his anger again. "What is it Erik?" I inquired trying to look at the manuscript.
"Did you forget my dear? It is time for your music lesson," he announced closing the book where he kept the manuscript.
My heart sank for I had really hoped I would be permitted to look upon or sing a bit of "Don Juan Triumphant." Once again it seemed that I would have to wait for obviously Erik was not quite ready to show it to me. 'Tis really a shame, he is a wonderful musician with such a gift, but he trusts no one, not even me!
As I prepare for my daily music lesson, I think back to my happy childhood with my father. I remember when I was young, my father would sing to me of an Angel of Music that he would send to me from Heaven. I used to think Erik was that Angel, but now I know he is only a man. But a man with an extrodinary gift for music that makes the heart sob.
Erik--
She thinks me an Angel and perhaps for her I can be an Angel. I have lured her here with the power of my voice, but why she stays with me, I do not yet understand. I suppose it is because she pities me- I do not want her pity! I have been pitied by many who have even bothered with me throughout my lifetime. I do not want Christine to stay only out of pity, I want her to stay because she wishes to. But, I suppose that is not to be. How could she look upon me as anything but a monster?
When she leaves me for the world above, I sit alone in this "palace" with no one. Without her there is nothing, I am empty without her. My music has no meaning if she is not there to sing it, and my life is hollow and bare without her pretty voice echoing through these dark chambers. I know I cannot keep her here forever, but I do not want to let her go. Yes, let her go back up there to her foolish lover, the Viscounte de Chagny. She does not think I know of him, but I would be a fool not to notice how his eyes seek her out during performances. I wish...I wish I could give her that kind of joy that she shares with him.
I stared after her as she rounded the staircase to the world above. Everytime she goes I wonder, will she return? Will she eventually leave me for him? Every waking moment, my mind is consumed by these questions. I wonder what keeps her here, is it fear? Love? I could only wish it were love, but that is a luxury I shall never have for she only has eyes for the Viscounte. 'Tis a pity for she does not see that he could never love her as I love her, wholeheartly. If she were to ask me to surrender all my possessions, I would gladly do it, for her. But, she will never see a love that burns inside of me. I silently scream her name over and over again hearing how the her name echos in my mind. I cannot go anywhere without being consumed by thoughts of Christine. She is in my thoughts every waking moment of my cursed life and she haunts me in dreams that I scarcely remember upon waking. Is this love? I have always thought myself one without a heart, or if I had a heart, I did not think it capable of love. Now this divine creature has stepped into my life and I know that I am capable of love, pure, true love...
Christine--
"My God, Christine, I thought you would never come!" Raoul exclaimed as I came running up the stairs to meet him.
I hesitated for a moment, I despised it when Raoul would act as if Erik were some sort of madman keeping me locked up against my will. Erik loves me, of that I am certain, and I know he would never harm me or anyone I loved. And I love Raoul. Oh! I know it is a stupid selfish thing to feel for him when I know Erik loves me so much, but I cannot help it! I love Erik, but not the way I love Raoul. Perhaps if I could love Erik for more than just his music, things would work out, but that does not seem to be the way of things. So, week after week I escape from Erik's palace to the real world to be with Raoul. I know it is not right to keep the two of them contantly waiting for me, but I really do not know how to break the news to Erik that Raoul and I are engaged. Heaven only knows what he might do!
Erik--
Pure, true, and honest love, does such a thing exist? Yes, I am convinced that it does exist and oh how I despise it! Things were finally going well for me until that day when I heard that nightengale sing. Such a pure and innocent voice this creature possesses, dare I dirty it with my own thoughts and desires? Never in my entire life have I ever wanteed something as much as I want. Oh, what a sweet euphoria I get everytime she lifts her voice in unison with mine. Music is the only thing I have to give her, adn the only thing I can use to bring her back to me time after time. She goes to him for his childish happiness and the gaiety of those parties she so adores. But I can bring her back to me with my voice. I can tell how my voice affects her, her body and mind respond instinctly to the music and I believe I can make her happier than her boyish friend Raoul.
Raoul. Damn that impetous youth! She could be mine, all mine if he had never come! Now all I can have from her is her voice, that beautiful tantilizing voice. I should have known from the start that she would never love me as a woman loves a man...
Ah, Christine, Christine... She does not know, but while she resides above, I watch her. I can see in her eyes such love for that boy, Raoul. Oftentimes I wonder why she comes back; however, my heart leaps with joy everytime she walks into this palace. She is like a beautiful heavenly angel who picks me up from the darkest depths of Hell. When she comes, it is as if God himself has smiled down on me.
For my entire life, I have felt like an outsider from the world, observing people, their lives, and their happiness, but never have I been able to experience that happiness. Everytime I try to approach these people and become one with the true world, everything vanishes, and once again I am left on my own. Christine is my only link to that world, yet she too vanishes from my life, and although I feel like God is looking over me when she is near, she is like a frightened angel. She fears me, of that I am quite aware of. When I draw near to hear, she shrinks away-away from the monster. The only time she does not shy away from me is when we sing. Our voices are the only things in this world that can meld together and become one. Her sweet voice, high and angelic meets with mine, our voices reach higher and higher both seeking some sort of primal pleasure. Her voice is intoxicating to me and I crave it...
Christine--
His music is the only thing that makes me feel whole. Music fills me up, making me feel like I am floating on air. It is as if the music itself caresses my soul, sending shivers down my spine. Music embraces me and pulls me further into its enchanting spell. It kisses my soul, whispering words, I can scarcely understand. I dance to this wonderful music, reaching out for a lover who disappears into the shadows when the music ends. When it ends, all is lost and the spell is broken...
Erik--
My greatest fear is that one day she will go to him, and never return. I fear that the day this occurs, I will never be content again. My grasp on reality is slowly slipping, and I fear I shall soon lose control. I have tried ever so hard to keep away from Christine physically, but I do not know how long I can resist her.
Christine-- "Erik," I began. "Would you care to come with me to
mass?" He glared at me from beneath that mask. "Come with you?" he snarled.
"Come with you? I think not my dear." "Erik, please..." I begged. I do not know why
it seemed so important to me that he come to mass, but perhaps I was hoping that if he
came, the father could erase the evilness inside of him. "Why? Why do you beg?" he
asked a little more tenderly than before. "I just wish you would come with me," I
whispered. "It would do you some good to get out of this dreadful dungeon
anyway!" His jaw tightened and I knew that I had lost, he was angry. "Dungeon? Is
that how my home seems to you? A dungeon! A dungeon indeed!" he cried. "Why do
you want me to come with you? Do you want to show people the monster who holds you
captive here? Yes, show them the monster..." "Erik, you are no monster," I protested
trying to calm him down. I could tell by the way his hands were trembling that he was
very upset. "You say that to calm me, I will not be calm! You go up there all the
time to show off to your friends and to be with him. What were you going to do, sit
between the two of us? Do you honestly think I would be welcome in Paris? I
am a monster! Face it Christine, it is a hideous monster who holds you captive
here. You must get free before I devour your innocence," he yelled throwing his
manuscript to the floor. He ran around the room like a crazed animal, flinging things
around, knocking his precious crystals to the ground. He was full of rage, and I wished I
had never brought up the idea of going to mass. I shrank away from him, praying to
the Lord above that he would spare me, for Heaven knows what he may do in this agitated
state. "Yes, your precious innocence. Guard it well Christine because someday you
will lose it, and who will be there to comfort you then? Do you think your little
boyfriend will still love you then?" he spat out. He took a deep breath, sat down
on his chair by the organ and said quietly, "No my dear, the likes of me never go to mass.
We are not welcome."
Eric:
Christine:
Erik:
I realise now that the end is near.I can no longer take the pain of losing her every week to him and then her coming back to me. I cannot take the constant wondering of whether she will return. It is time for her to make a decision and although I know she will chose that boy, I must ask for if I do not, I will be a fool.
"Christine?"
"Yes Erik?"
I pulled myself up to my full height and approached her. I wanted to be gentle yet firm with this, and not force her into anything. "My dear, are you happy here?"
She looked at me astonished as if asking that was a sin. "Why Erik, of course I am although I must admit I do miss my friends when I am cooped up down here." Her eyes betrayed her, I could see that it was not only her friends that she missed.
"Well, I've had enough. It is time to chose between me and...Raoul," I spat out his name. "Christine, I love you, but if you do not feel the same for me then I cannot ask you to stay with me. It is not proper to keep you here against your will."
Her eyes widened. "I am not kept here against my will. You treat me very well..."
"Almost as well as he would," I interjected.
She sighed heavily and stood up. Walking over to me, I could see her trembling. "Erik..." she began and then before I knew it, her thin little arms were around me as she bent her head to kiss me.
A kiss is a very special thing, especially to one who has never been kissed. I felt her lips press against mine and for a fleeting moment, I knew happiness. For that moment, I knew my mask and my face did not matter. In that moment, I was a whole person and no matter what anyone said, I was loved. This was not a duty kiss, it was love. I could feel her love. She liked Raoul, but I could tell she loved me. My heart pounded harder and harder and I wrapped her up in my arms. This was right, this was how life was meant to be.
� 1997-98
How can I explain to Raoul that the one thing that makes me whole is something he cannot give me. Raoul seems to think that he can buy anything I want, but he cannot buy this. The only thing in this world that makes me happy is Erik's music.
This pleasure she derives from music is something only I can give her, and this power over her makes me feel more powerful than anyone can imagine. I can coax her back into my shadowy domain with the power of my voice. As I begin to sing, I can see all her resolve weaken, and I know that she is once again mine.
I have finally returned to Erik's palace, and although I miss Raoul, I have a feeling of
contentment here. I sense a change in Erik though, he moves more slowly, and is kinder
to me than ever before. I feel a great sadness emanating from him, yet I cannot quite
pinpoint the exact reason. His sadness has made this place colder and darker than it was
before; however, this does not frighten me anymore. The only time he has lashed out at
me in anger was when I asked him to attend mass with me.
I have reduced her to tears. The tears of a spoiled brat though. I have given her half of my life and yet she still insists on taking me for granted. I have loved her from afar, practically worshipping the ground she walks on, and she rejects me! She came to me willingly and for that I will be forever thankful, but after months of being together, she tosses me aside. At times, I hate this cursed emotion called love.
I am torn. Eric is so vastly different from Raoul, but I love them both. Of course I would never dare tell Eric how I felt--he could have any woman he wanted, why in the world would he want me? Raoul on the other hand has been my friend for so long, I do not think either of us expected to fall in love. How is it possible for me to love both of them and not hurt them? I do not want to deliberately hurt Eric, but do I have a choice? Either way, someone will get hurt...
My heart hurts. Everytime I think of her, my heart begins to pound and I cannot catch my breath. I miss her now. She has gone back to be with that boy again and this one time I am uncertain as to if she will return. I think of her now, the way her eyes light up when she laughs, and the small curve of her lips when she smiles. I remember everything about her. From the soft feel of her hair, to the coldness of her hands when she has stayed down here for a long time. I think I shan't ever forget her and if this was the last time she would be here with me, then I cherished every minute. I have tried to make her happy, but my face betrays me everytime. This awful disfigured face that frightens her so much that she even hides from it. That hurts me the most. I cannot express my love to her any other way but in my music and even then she does not hear the meaning behind the notes and the lyrics. How can I tell her?
